Requested Post: Removing the Negative

I welcome anyone to send in ideas for my next blog posts - This particular request was sent through my Tumblr and due to this issue being such a large part of my life right now, I would love to share some thoughts. (everything is my own words and no sources, aside from the knowledge I already have regarding certain teachings has been used for this piece of writing!)

Here is the particular ask, I'm sharing this so that what I say is in context for others who are wanting to read about this topic, it was requested anonymously so unfortunately I can't address the person directly, but I hope this can shed some light and I would love to hear from you again regarding if I was able to help.

Identifying an Unhealthy Relationship

It can be hard to tell if you're having a healthy relationship (whether that be a friendship or intimate relationship) - Especially if you're very close. Every disagreement can feel like the end of the world, and every good memory can feel infinite. In these intense friendships/relationships it seems things are either amazing or devastating, you spend a lot of time rollercoastering from one extreme to another. At first this can be exciting.. But after a while it can just become exhausting. I want to avoid referring to anyone as the 'negative person' because I think in these situations it's more the relationship between the people that becomes negative as opposed to a particular person.

People will evolve, change and adapt, but as humans, this scares us. So we try to avoid this inevitable fact by ignoring it and trying to keep hold of the way things are; this is the same thing we do to our friends. The reason we choose them to be in our lives in the first place is because we like them and their general attitude and company, we click with them and want to spend more time together, that's how a friendship generally begins. So when you both (naturally) begin to change and evolve as people.. You may slowly start to disagree more often, your opinions are becoming more opposite and your ways of life begin to differ a lot more dramatically. What this really is, is just humans changing with age, time and experiences. Although what you will both see it as is the other person changing, or becoming meaner, or sadder, or more difficult. What you're doing here is comparing this person to who they were a few months ago or even a few years ago. You can't cling to the idea of someone and then wonder why they've changed. To have a healthy relationship in any sense of the word, you need to allow each other freedom and space to change, whether that be to grow apart or to become closer. What needs to happen will happen, nothing should be forced. A relationship where two people are very different is not necessarily unhealthy, and can in fact (if responded to correctly) be one of the healthiest forms of friendship. Being able to accept different views and opinions is a great lesson to learn, so having a close friend that's able to challenge and add to your thoughts can be amazing! Opposites really can attract if you're prepared to be open minded.

Growing Seperately.. Together

This may seem to make absoloutely no sense. But it's a phrase I invented as a way to explain and label certain situations to myself when it comes to relationships. A human life is a very independant thing, the only person who will remain by us throughout our whole eternity.. Is ourselves. Others join us for brief periods of time, some longer than others, but we must remember to always put ourselves first and take care of our own growth. I mean this in the nicest possible way, there's a fine line between selfish and self-love! You must value your own life path before you can begin to try and value others. This can become very hard in relationships and friendships, you become so involved with each others everyday life that your problems become interchangeable, if one of you is sad then this effects both of you - If one of you is happy, then you will both feel happier. This sort of bond is incredible, but it's also very easy to loose yourself within this and become over-dependant. Becoming overly dependant means to rely too much on another person for support, you find it hard to trust your own instinct due to the fact you haven't had to use it for so long. This other person is suddenly the rock in your life keeping you together. It's nice to have someone you can trust to be there for you and to walk with you on your path for a while, but you need to put yourself first. Be sure you're growing in to the best version of YOURSELF that you can be, have respect for your own needs and respect your OWN thoughts.

Relying on others too much can have a bigger effect that you will notice, your opinions may no longer be your own and your thought process might not feel like your own, because if you begin to grow with another person then so will aspects of your personality and everyday life. You quite often hear people say this phrase after a breakup or arguement "I feel like I've lost my other half" - This is the danger of growing together, you stump your own mental growth and have instead become one half of someone else, you might even feel you can no longer fully function without them. This is quite a dangerous attachment to have, so they key is to grow seperately together. Meaning allow each other space to form who you really are and grow through the many different versions and phases of yourselves. All you need to be for one another is a hand of support, so just watch with fascination as these new changes occur within each other, welcome these new feelings and differences that you're both experiences. Worship the divine within one another.

Ending a Negative Relationship

Even after everything I've spoken about here: There are still many different variations of functioning relationships. The bottom line is if it works for both of you and you're genuinely happy, then it's healthy. However this is not to say that choosing to end a friendship/relationship is wrong - Only you can know when it's time to move on from someone, you can't be told. (Although usually if your gut feeling of unhappiness is strong enough to debate ending it, then it's probably time to rethink a few things about this relationship!)

Friendships and relationships don't have to last forever to have been real, time is not a measure of love, so never feel pressured in to staying within a negative situation. If you've come to the conclusion that your relationship with a certain person HAS become a negative one - Then the best thing you can do for yourself is to simply shut the door. This doesn't have to be a hateful or harmful act, it's simply an act of self-love. Remember when finding the words to put an end to your friendship and suffering - Speak with compassion, not hate. Explain your reasons for walking away and make sure they're aware it's simply time for you both to move on. You are equally to blame and equally innocent for these circumstances and wish to part in a civil and peaceful way. This will help to avoid any feelings of blame and bitterness. However I can't promise this won't lead to aggression from the other person, in this situation all there is to do is accept, send positive thoughts and let them be hateful. If you don't accept this hate into yourself then words are harmless.

Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives and if they are they will find their own way back when the time is right.

This was my first go at a requested blog post - I would love to answer some more of your questions through this method! So if there's anything you would like me to blog about then please feel free to send me message through Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter or my Contact Page. Hope you enjoyed my thoughts and advice and on 'Removing the Negative'.

Namaste, Brooke x

#advice